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Wow, it has been over three years since I have written. I was thinking about all the changes that have taken place since Covid arrived in my life and lives of family and loved ones. So much devastation with violence, loss of life, jobs, relationships and health. We were separated, stay six feet apart. We were shut in, stay home. We were not able to gather in large groups such as attend church or social events. We were controlled, lied to, forced to wear masks and shut up. All these things and more. It was all part of a narrative to scare us, keep us in fear and worry and to destroy humanity. We were lied to about everything. Our health has not only been affected physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.
We have been separated by race, gender, politics, ethnicity and such. Families are more divided and separated then ever. People are not meeting in person, its all virtual and without feeling. Humans are not designed to live this way. We are beings that thrive on relationship with everything. Everything we do is in relationship to something else. Every choice we make, action we take, thought we create has a cause and affect. For example, my family, children have pulled away from me because of my choices and actions. Our family unit and relationships have broken down during these trying times. There are lessons to be learned with all of this. I realize that we are all entitled to our own beliefs and choices as we should be. We live in a free will, choice paradigm and each has their own path and life to live. We are all unique and different which makes each of us special. The lesson for me is to learn to love more unconditionally and be more allowing, accepting of where each other is in life. I love my kids and I know they love me as well. They have their own lessons to learn and work through as well. In spite of all the negative dark things that have taken place, it only makes the light brighter and humanities evolution closer to the divine which we seek. It truly is: "The End of The World As We Know It." There is much to be grateful and hopeful for. My encouragement to you is to be joyful and happy. Look for those things that bring you joy. Simple, little things even. Be nurturing to those around you. Give hugs, loving touch, eye gazes. Do not be afraid of one another but be open, compassionate and giving. Now is the time more then ever that we need connection on all levels, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I hope your Christmas is a special one. With much love and gratitude, Phil and Susan
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Bio Phil and Susan, Relationship Coaches for Singles, Couples and Entrepreneurs: Both have learned life lessons in relationships and how to apply them in business, attracting and working with their ideal clients. By applying specific principles and teachings, they will guide you to develop the ideal relationships you desire in your personal life and business. Transparency When you hear the word relationships, what comes to your mind? We think of our families, friends, partners or spouses. But a business relationship with a customer, client or co-worker, what does that look like? Let's start with our personal relationships. Isn't there something that draws us to each other? We are attracted to each other for many reasons, our energy, zest for life, appearance, behaviors, interests, life style, things in common or not in common, beliefs, desires etc..... There is a myriad of things that attract us to each other in so many ways. You have heard that opposites attract. We like change even if we are comfortable in our security boxes. Something new, something fresh, something we have not thought of before. Change is good and helps us define what we want and don't want. We like to feel special, important to our significant others. We like being heard, listened too, understood, accepted the way we are. We like to be respected, trusted, free to be ourselves and allowed to do so. We like intimacy, closeness, caring and compassionate responses. We like our needs met and we enjoy meeting their needs. We want to feel loved and appreciated, to feel valued and nurtured. All of these values and principles are part of getting to know each other, getting close to each other, being open and vulnerable. It is being real, being human and not fake. People know if you are sincere and if you have integrity. All relationships work off of the same principles and values. A client likes to be heard, listened too. They want to be understood and respected. They have needs that they want met just like anybody else's. They have feelings, emotions, desires, likes and dislikes. Sometimes they know what they want or think they know what they want. Once you listen to them and understand the need, you may be able to help them see that maybe what they thought they wanted is really not what they want at all. But it comes down to communication and good listening skills. Half our challenges would be met if we would slow down long enough to hear what they have to say and respond to it. Other times just listening to people is all it takes. People have been so mishandled when it comes to this that there becomes trust and respect issues, so you may have to earn those. All relationships whether personal or business can be treated the same with respect, dignity and honor. Tips and tools to attract and keep your clients 1) Don't force or sell something that the client does not need or want. 2) Focus on building relationships on a personal level with clients that allow them to feel appreciated and empowered. Make suggestions, give options and let them make the choices. They will respect you for that. 3) Make the clients needs more important then a sale. Don't make money your priority, but instead, let your priority be the clients well being. 4) Treat a client the way you would want to be treated. When you build your business with integrity and honesty, they will always come back. 5) Instill these values within you first, become that which you want to attract. If you become respectful, trustworthy, honest, a person of integrity, then you will attract those kind of clients into your experience. They will be a reflection of who you are. so that can be a measuring stick for you to see how well you are doing. 6) Do not be afraid to give a little. Be flexible and allowing with transparency. When you connect and bond with people, they become friends. Friends will come back. A one time sale is just that. Repeat customers are what you want. 7) Learn to work with people, if they see you are willing to bend a little, they will too. 8) Show much appreciation and gratitude for your clients. We all like that don't we? 9) The more you give, the more you will get. Generosity is too scarce these days. 10) If you have a mindset of lack full thinking, then you will not get past that. There is a whole universe of abundance available to you if you believe and change you mindset. Learn to live in the moment, smell the roses, enjoy life each day and allow things to fall into place for you. Have fun with creating your business and relationships. With much Gratitude and Appreciation, Phil Long /Susan D'Amico  My dear loved ones,
I would like to talk about a way to free yourself and feel your soul; the real you that may be hiding from life. All of us have life experiences and stories to tell. It may have been a one time event, a repeated experience or may still be continuing today. Some have experienced loss, abandonment, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse. Tremendous pain and suffering, to the point of feeling lost, no hope or foreseeable future. And many have taken their lives because they cannot bare the pain anymore. Many of these experiences have come at a very young age and you may not remember a lot of the details, they seem fuzzy. You may not know or be sure who the person was or is that caused you such pain. If you were a young child, you had no way to take care of you or protect yourself. You were and are a victim of society perhaps, at a time that you should have been loved, nurtured and provided for instead of abused, neglected and tossed aside. But you are here now. Somehow you survived your past and or current experiences that have been blocked, hidden away and not spoken of. We all have similar stories and experiences in life, and we think we are the only ones. It is too shameful to talk about; the guilt and self judgement is too much to bare, we are bound in these chains that keep us stuck. We are afraid, we have been blamed and conditioned to think it is our fault. Loved one, understand that you're not at fault. You didn't ask for such atrocities to happen to you. It was not in your control to stop it. You couldn't have if you wanted to.... So much in this world that hurts, that destroys, that separates us from our true identities. There is a way that can help you free yourself from your agonizing past or current experiences. To do so, you will need to let go of fear; be brave, take a small step and reach out. If you tell your story to one person, to a group, or here on social media, you will start to release the chains that have bound you all this time. The locks will open and fall off. You will be able to breath, release and let go of it all. Your heart will be full of love, freedom, forgiveness and compassion. This is the beginning of your awareness to learn to love you, take care of you, and rediscover who you are. We all want to be loved, nurtured, heard, respected and understood. We all deserve it, and it starts with loving yourself enough to do it. Loved one, In doing this, you will free yourself from the chains that bind you. From the ghosts of the past, to your truth in the present. You will also discover that there are many who have experienced similar situations as you have and they understand you. The mere fact that you are still here says you are a strong survivor. We can all help encourage each other with our stories and begin our healing. I share this with you from a heart of unconditional love and acceptance. There is no judgement or condemnation here. Each of us is part of this human family and experience. You may say, there is no one i know or trust to tell my story to. Think hard; they're people you can seek out. You may even share here or message me privately if you are afraid to be totally transparent. That's okay to, the sooner you take a step, the closer you will be to releasing those chains. I encourage you to do so. Just realized that these experiences have taught us lessons and are instrumental in who we have become today. When we are consciously aware of things, we can then take steps to make changes in our lives. These experiences teach us much about ourselves and what we want and don't want in life. You choose and create what you want, you have that right, it's your life and nobody else's. It is all about your relationship with yourself and others. Live your life in peace, joy and love. Be blessed, ❤ Phil  Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we give up our power to someone else who has a stronger personality, thus we are not equal contributors to the relationship. Or we find ourselves just following the crowd instead of speaking our truth. In relationships, it helps to be aware of this so that we do not find ourselves trying to control, manipulate, seduce or judge each other. The phrase, "it's my way or the highway" has no place in a loving relationship. When each person accepts each other as an individual and acknowledges their authenticity, then there is respect and space for each other to flow and grow in their power. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable when one is speaking their truth instead of being allowing and supportive, then you might look within and ask yourself why am I feeling this way? Why do I feel insecure? If you are, then there is something within that needs to be addressed. Many marriages, relationships or friendships are struggling because one feels that they have the last say and it has to be their way. Many are living in fear, feel stuck or trapped and see no way out. That is a relationship that's dead, that has no life and is existing only out of necessity or survival. You don't have to live that way. When you are allowed to be you and speak your truth, then you are being truthful with yourself and living in your power. Each one of us is here to experience life in its fullness and until you find yourself free, living in your power you will not be doing what you want to be doing and living out your purpose here now in this time. 1) What does standing in your power or speaking your truth mean to you in your relationships? 2) When you are put down and shut down, how does that make you feel? 3) If you are afraid to speak your truth because of physical, emotional abuse, what do you do? 4) Finally, ask yourself, WHAT DO I WANT, WHAT DO I WANT? We have put together an e-book that addresses these topics that you can upload for free here on our website "10 WAYS TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH" Get your free copy here: https://www.philandsusan.com/e-book.html  1) A Relationship that's not growing at all 2) A Relationship that's growing apart 3) A Relationship that's growing together In our last posts we talked about relationships that are not growing at all, relationships that are growing apart and now we will discuss "Relationships that are growing together" and what that could look like. I am including excerpts from one of Deepak Chopra's meditations on relationships that I feel is helpful in growing our relationships to a higher level. Written by Deepak Chopra A key word in any successful relationship, personal or professional is collaboration. It involves three things. Cooperation, sharing and communication. When you approach your relationships with these in mind, you can creatively relate. Then both partners are able to get unstuck. Think for a moment about any relationship in your life. In the family, at work, or with friends. Do you cooperate in this relationship equally? Do you share the good and not so good aspects of the relationship? Are you always communicating in order to get passed confusion, resentment and misunderstanding?  Most relationships aren't black and white. You may feel good about being equal for example, but need to work on communication to get passed potential conflicts. It takes two to begin any relationship and it takes two to get unstuck. But when you begin with yourself, not pressuring or pushing the other person in any way, you can do a great deal on your own to get both of you unstuck. This is because the other persons behavior and attitude is a reflection of your consciousness. If you feel frustrated, the other person will always give you a reason to feel even more frustrated. But if you feel optimistic and open, the other persons behaviors will mirror that. Sometimes mirroring is an unconscious response because the other person is reacting to you without really knowing what they are doing. Other times the mirroring is actually your interpretation of something fairly neutral in the other person. Either way when you make an inner shift the relationship will be affected. If you meditate or practice meditation, you will shift in powerful ways because consciousness is expanding. As this occurs, some beneficial things begin to happen as you become more relaxed, open, centered and less stressed. You find it easy to be receptive to someone else's ideas because you want them to be receptive to yours. This is like a creative spark between the two of you. Each person becomes excited by how ideas are passing between them. It also becomes easier to think in terms of us rather than me. We retreat into our egos when we feel constricted inside. As awareness expands, this kind of defensiveness is no longer necessary. As we meditate, intuition becomes accessible. Now you find yourself asking other people for something they really want to give, namely their desire to help, to shine, to be creative and to be themselves. Look for these positive shifts in your relationships as you continue your meditation practice. In any situation there are ways for both partners to gain. That's the essence of a collaboration. Mutual satisfaction that two people can joyfully share. A centering thought is: When I relate to anyone, both of us will gain something.  As Susan and I continue to grow our relationship together, we consciously are aware of our thoughts and words that we use with each other. We realize the importance of our own individuality and freedom to be ourselves without pushing or controlling. As mentioned above, mirroring is a natural response to what is being presented to us. So how you present yourself and your message verbally, with body language, gestures and so on will play a big part in how you are received and responded to. How do you want to treat others, how do you want to be treated? This is all very important to achieve positive, healthy communication when you are collaborating and growing together. We enjoy being playful and having fun together. As I am writing this Susan laughingly said she wants to give me a lap dance, so I am going to take a short break and will be back.........nothing like a little teasing and fun. Okay where was I? In our growing up years from infancy to adults, we were conditioned, trained, taught through our religious belief systems, to our cultural surroundings and people that had an influence in our lives from parents to teachers and family members. We were placed in our boxes with parameters of what is acceptable and not. What is normal and not when it came to dating and relationships. There was a lot of guilt, shame, judgment placed on us as well as what we placed on ourselves. It was all there in the form of controlling us, teaching us and grooming us to act and behave a certain way that was acceptable in society and our cultural experience. I would say a lot of it stifled our creativity and individuality to the point of we lost track of who we are. If we allow ourselves to become aware and examine ourselves, we can release those things that are no longer or may never have worked for us. We can free ourselves of the fear based control and manipulation that keeps us stuck on so many levels. It can be difficult to step outside of your comfort zone or come out of the closet but also very liberating and freeing. Susan and I have been working on our own boxes and stepping outside of them trying new things that we enjoy. That is part of having fun and growing together. It is important to allow each other to have this space to learn and grow. To be there for each other during these times to encourage, support and uplift each other. We are not only growing in our relationship together but we are also learning more about ourselves and who we are. It's like self discovery and an adventure for sure. You do not know where it is going to always take you. Being open, vulnerable, trusting and allowing with each other builds a deeper bond and trust between you. It is freeing to know that you can share anything and everything if you choose to with each other and not be judged or condemned for it. As Deepak mentioned relationships are not black and white. There is not always a set answer that fits everyone's situation, but there are fundamental, universal principals that we can all pull from to help us through our life's adventures in our relationships. Just remember that we are all teachers and we can teach and learn something in all our relationships that will move us forward in our life experiences. You can always improve your current relationships or create new ones. Don't settle for something that you are not happy with. Figure out how you can improve yourself and in so doing those you care about. Feel free to share, like, comment or give feedback in a positive way that can be beneficial to all. With Love and Gratitude, Phil and Susan Relationship Love Mentors www.philandsusan.com  1) A Relationship that's not growing at all 2) A Relationship that's growing apart 3) A Relationship that's growing together In our last blog we talked about what a relationship that's not growing at all looks like. In this segment we will be talking about what "A Relationship that's growing apart" can look like. Susan and I both will be giving our ideas and experiences on these topics. I will start off by sharing my thoughts on the matter. Phil Say's: In the first segment of this three part blog I mentioned that I had been married and divorced twice. As I look back on my first marriage, I can see that it was a relationship that was not growing at all. I was not even consciously aware of it, I thought we had a great relationship and all was well. But I can see now that it was not. Being in my early 20's I was young and learning what life was all about in a marriage relationship. Religion played a big part in our lives as we had met in our church. But even with the same belief system it is not a guarantee that all will go well. You have two different people with different life experiences, influences and teachings that have developed you into the person that you are and you are trying to put these two different people together for life in a lasting relationship of growth and happiness. Not and easy task for anyone to carry out. I was not an abusive person but in some ways controlling. I was the typical provider while my wife stayed home raising the kids and taking care of life on the home front. I handled the finances and controlled that with a tight budget. My wife probably felt stuck at home to much and did not have much of a life outside of that and church. Our communication was for sure lacking and we didn't even know much about ourselves much less each other. But we did have some good times and we created two beautiful children that I adore to this day. As parents we will always love our kids no matter what. I had two major blows, my first was losing my career job with just two weeks left of my probation period. I was called in to the office and told that I was being let go for over all unsatisfactory job performance. I was in shock, totally unexpected. My ego was hit hard and I felt lost. Had to downsize big time selling vehicles and getting out from as much payments as I could to make ends meet. Worked two jobs and my wife also went to work. It might have been three or four months of this when my wife decided she was going to quit her job and she wanted to go back to Oregon where we moved from to see and visit our old babysitter with the kids for a break. I thought that was a good idea and might be a good stress relief to get a break. So she packed up the kids and left. After about a week I had not heard from her so I called to see how things were going. She told me she was not coming back, that she had been planning on leaving me for the past three years and was waiting for the opportunity to do so. I was in shock again and totally lost now not knowing what to do. I did the only thing I knew to do, that was to pack things up, move back to Oregon and try to figure things out with my wife. I asked her if she would be willing to get some counseling together. Her mind was made up, she knew what she wanted and that was out. It devastated me, 11 years over, I felt like such a failure on all levels. Losing my job and now my family. This was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I honestly do not know how I even made it. The only answer that I recall why she left me was that she felt like she was not allowed to be herself. That she had to become someone else when she married me. She quit smoking for me, not because she wanted to. I was totally clueless and had no idea that she had any feelings like this. Like I said, I thought things were great. Young and naive I was. I never felt like we were growing apart at all. It was a relationship that was just existing and not growing. Just trying to fit a good mold of what a family should be like the best way I knew how. And to be honest, at that age there is a lot to learn about yourself and each other.  Now my second marriage, that was a relationship where we grew apart. We were married for 18 years and we had some good times as well. We also met in church and knew each other back in high school. But there were bigger hurdles to overcome in our relationship. When I met her in church she had been clean and sober for two years from alcohol and drug abuse. She had lost three children to the state from her past life and was hanging on to another that the state allowed as she complied with what they wanted her to do and accomplish. She was doing well and came along ways from where she had been. She had a lot of pain and guilt to live with from losing her kids to the state. Something you never get over and can rationalize. Later in life after the kids grew up, they came back into her life again which was very healing for her. I adopted the child that she kept and we also had two beautiful children together which I am very proud of. Our kids are all wonderful children to this day and she also played a big role in raising my first two children from my previous marriage. There were a lot of bumps in the road over the years with us. She relapsed twice back into her addictions which brought more pain and heartache. I supported her through this time and went weekly to her drug court appearances for a year until she completed it. She was the courts role model and most successful client that had attended up to date. She later started going to karaoke bars with her sister and it became part of her life style with friends at the bar. She got into video poker machines and it got to a point where we lost our business because she lost our employees payroll playing the machines. (Another addiction that gets the endorphins and dopamine chemicals in the brain feeling good.) I tried for a while to participate with her going to karaoke but the bar scene was not my life style. I just could not do it anymore. We grew father apart little by little until I couldn't take it anymore. I have never been one to smoke, drink, gamble or do drugs and this exposure to this lifestyle was killing me inside. I became very depressed having suicidal thoughts even though I would tell myself I would never do anything. I felt stuck, trapped and no way out. I eventually ended up getting counseling for spouses of addicts of gambling, drugs, alcohol etc... and it was during this time that I realized I needed to make a change for my own well being if I was going to survive. It was hard for me to deicide to divorce, as I always had the belief that divorce was not an option for me, but so far it seems to be my experience. I accepted that it was an option and I was supported either way by my counselor whether I wanted to try to repair things or move on. I chose to move on. I want to say that all you are getting here is a piece of my side of the story. I am not without any blame or fault here, my two ex wife's have their side of the story that probably looks a lot different, but we have our own perspectives to it on our own experiences and how it affected us. I have much respect and unconditional love for both my past wives and even though we have gone our separate ways, they each have played an important part in my learning and growing as a human being. Every person that comes into our experience is not an accident but part of our learning to teach us and help us grow. I have much more clarity now about relationships, what I want and don't want. Life is full of twist and turns, I can think of times when I would look at people and judge them because of who they appeared to be and where they were in life. It is easy to look down on people that struggle and judge, but we are all just one step from possibly being in their shoes or hitting bottom. Things can sneak up on us and change fast if we are not careful. Some basic things that relationships have taught me are this: 1) It is important to take care of you and never settle, sacrifice, or give in to something that goes against who you are or your conscious. 2) You cannot control or manipulate someone to be something that you want. If you can't accept a person exactly the way they are, then move on. 3) It is important to allow each other to be their true selves. We each need our space, our freedom, our voice and individuality. We are all unique and individuals, not carbon copies. 4) Encourage each others creativity and strengths. 5) Your love must not have conditions. 6) Become everything that you want to see in your partner. 7) Communication is more then being heard, its hearing. 8) Be aware that your ego is fear driven and when you get backed into a corner, let humility speak its truth. 9) It is wise to walk away from tough drama, allow time to cool you down so you can think straight again. You will always find a solution that is more favorable when you can talk peaceably again. 10) Let love have the final word in all things, it never fails. Susan Say's: Hi Beautiful, When I think of relationships growing apart I had to really think back what my past relationship looked and felt like. I wasn't taught how to have or be in a healthy relationship so I learned how through my own experiences. But what came to me while meditating was I want to touch on a very important relationship that really grew apart and that is, the one with myself. This is the most important relationship to have if we want to have a healthy relationship with or without a partner. Growing Apart From Our True Self In Our Personal Relationship to Growing back to Your True Self  My journey of my own personal relationship that I was developing started when I was awakening back in 2007. At that point I realized that I forgot who I was. And when I was young I never thought that a relationship starts with yourself. I just naturally taught myself how to have a healthy relationship with myself and others. Today I am still learning and growing my personal relationship with myself by paying attention to how I feel, my thoughts and beliefs. Learning is endless in our experiences. All of it can be the same as others, some very different or some similar. That is what makes learning about relationships fun. Do you love yourself enough to create boundaries? Are you patient, loving, compassionate not only with you but with your partner or past partners in your relationships? In my past relationship with my ex we were not close at all. I was not able to be open or vulnerable with my feelings nor felt safe doing so. I never thought of that back then. Every time I wanted to share my feelings with him about something I was shut down which created more distance between us causing our relationship to grow farther apart. He did not even want to know anything about me personally. All I heard about from him was who I wasn't. Frankly there was no feeling of a bond or connection when I first met him. When I started to have a personal relationship with myself, discovering who I was and am, I felt our relationship continue like it always was, distant and growing apart. The more I was my true self the more he moved away from me. So if you have this experience, know its not you. You are becoming your true self and your relationship with you is far more important! So if your in a relationship that is growing apart, start with learning and growing a relationship with you first. You will be happy, joyful and appreciative. Being in gratitude, loving, knowing how to make yourself feel good and loved, your self worth and self esteem will grow. Ask yourself Who Am I? So what does your relationship that is growing apart look like to you? Are you both so busy to find alone time or together time? How about finding time to connect with each other that also includes intimacy. Are you holding back feelings of frustration, guilt or anger because you don't feel that closeness together and you want more? Are you afraid to speak your truth and express it? Do you feel abandoned, ignored or lack of communication? Do you sit apart while watching TV with little or no interaction? Do you not go anywhere together? Maybe the trust is gone, not feeling safe anymore. You may be starting to feel lonely and alone. These can be signs of growing in opposite directions or pulling apart. Maybe you feel you just don't have anything in common anymore. Maybe your interest are different and, or you both are not feeling supportive in your interests together. You know it is ok to have personal interests because we have our own personal journey of what we desire to experience, but wouldn't it be nice to be supportive and acknowledge what they want and talk about it to each other? These are some examples of what I experienced in my past relationship. Some of you may have experienced the same or similar things as well or you currently may be going through it now. No matter where you are, you can improve yourself and be a better person for it. How did I get through this? Well I started with, "I love being with me." I love who I was becoming and knowing that God, my angels, the universe and my soul are always with me. So how do we avoid growing apart? Can we avoid it ? When I wrote this question this is what came to mind. How do we avoid it? Do you ever think about how to avoid growing apart? Probably not. I wasn't aware in my past relationship that it was. I thought it was the norm just the way it was. But one thing that comes to me is this, I got this feeling something is not right between us. You know that gut feeling? We usually ignore it. So if you and your partner are working together as a team in your relationship that is wonderful!! Both being self aware, the communication is awesome and so is the connection between you both. You really want a partner who wants to grow with you in your relationship together. It is a partnership, teamwork that helps avoid growing apart. It is enjoying the interest you both have, talking about things in our individual lives each day. It is also keeping communication safe, open, holding space for both of you to express in a loving way about something that may bother you, or something about your self growth. It takes awareness, desire and choosing to keep it fresh and healthy. Keep communication and connection your number one priority. Your friends right? It is like having a best friend in your relationship. Talk about where your relationship needs to be worked on, and your personal relationship also. If you have a partner who does not want to grow with you, love them, appreciate them and get yourself in alignment to loving you and start having a relationship with yourself. That is where all healthy relationships come from. We mirror ourselves, our desires. It always starts with us first. It is all about you ! Take care of you! So here is a very important piece of guidance I want to share with you. If you are in a relationship that is not growing at all or growing apart, start working on a relationship with yourself!! This is the most important thing to have even if you want to be in a new relationship. Take time to reflect or maybe right down what you feel is not happening in your relationship that you desire to experience and live. Then write down what you do want to experience in your current relationship. If your wanting to be in a new relationship write it down too!! You are creating when you write down your desires. If you cannot express it to your partner, you are expressing it to the Universe!!! You will be happy, joyful, appreciative, in gratitude, loving and knowing how to make yourself feel good. feeling loved and wanted, your self worth and self esteem will grow. You will know how to fulfill yourself with everything you desire to experience from another person with yourself. And when that special soul mate comes to you, or your partner comes to you and holds a mirror up and is reflecting that to you, you will see who you are and open your heart to love. Believe me I did this in my past relationship! I did not need anything emotional from him at all. What came to me if it was a hug or appreciation it was a reflection of me. It feels like I have taken control over my life and what I personally wanted to experience in a relationship. Here is how to start to align with love and grow a relationship with you! Self Love Time So Ask yourself Who Am I? What do I want? Having a journal is so healing to our mind, body and soul. There you can write out your feelings, desires, how your day went, how did you feel, be and do, your intentions, what you saw in yourself that you want to let go of to grow more into your true self. Meditation is very healthy as it helps you be still in the moment to listen to your inner voice, wisdom. Also praying before or after mediation. Ask for guidance, but also say Thank you, and what you are grateful for in your current relationship and with your partner. Set your intentions for your day. Keeps you focused and aware on those intentions you set. Take time for you during your day! I know some of you might be so busy with family, job, but remember if you choose to take time for you, the moment will be there for you. Take walks, pamper yourself! Be gentle and loving as you are awakening and begin your journey to self love. Best relationship you will ever have, and then with your partner. Whether he or she joins you when your true self or not, you will feel complete within yourself. Susan and I would like to hear any feedback or comments that you may have from your relationship experiences in life. Feel free to comment and share your life experience and what it has taught you. In our next segment blog we will explore in our relationships what: "Growing Together Looks Like" Stay tuned With Love and Gratitude, Phil and Susan Relationship Love Mentors www.philandsusan.com  1) A Relationship that's not growing at all 2) A Relationship that's growing apart 3) A Relationship that's growing together Many times we find ourselves struggling in relationships that are not going the way we want them to go. Like most, they start out with a bang and seem to be going great, but down the road things change. Why does this happen you may ask? Lets take a look at some of the possibilities and see if we can relate and bring some understanding to the situation that may be of help. We will begin by looking at relationships that are not growing at all. I'm going to start back in my younger days when I desired to be married and raise a family. That was all I wanted, that was my dream. I imagined what that would look like and feel like for me. I had all kinds of scenarios from living in the mountains, living off the land and falling in love with an Indian Princess to marrying a beautiful wealthy woman and financially set for life. I had an imagination that kept going and creating different situations. If was exciting and fun to dream about romantic, intimate relationships of all types. Although I have to say none of my fantasies or dreams ever came to fruition do to allowing other thoughts and beliefs to take hold in my life. This is the part where I mentioned when you get in relationships they seem to go great at first but then down the road things seem to change. As we are learning, our hormones, oxytocin, dopamine feel good chemicals in our body are running wild and we are in that honeymoon faze for a period of time until it starts to wear off. We get beaten down with life and its responsibilities and sometimes we lose sight of the very things that attracted us to each other to begin with. Sometimes we change or we refuse to change. One person may be content with the way things are in their comfort box and do not want change or grow at all while the other is changing or moving forward. Communication breaks down, walls go up, things come to a stand still. The relationship may get to a point where it feels dead, no more life, no fun, no connection of any kind. It has stopped. Many people choose to stay stuck in these relationships for many reasons. Even though they may be unhappy, they are safe and secure and provided for. They may not have a voice or be able to speak their truth. They may not have their freedom but they are willing to stay in it for now and sacrifice their happiness for a false since of security. It may just be out of convenience that keeps some people together. There are many reasons for relationships to get stagnant but it comes down to what are you willing to put up with. Many people feel stuck and have no choice in the matter. They find themselves so dependant on the other that they do not see any way out. Or they may be sticking it out for the kids sake thinking they do not want to leave a legacy of divorce, failure or disharmony for them. So they live in a lie like everything is great with mom and dad when inside everything is dead and dried up. Life is full of twist and turns, there are no cut and dry answers for everyone. Each relationship and person has their own unique parameters to deal with. I have been married and divorced twice. My religious belief system was that divorce was not an option, that you work things out no matter what. That anything can be worked out if you choose to. Well for starters it takes both people willing to do that and be committed in that relationship to even have a chance of working things out. But it doesn't always work that way, sometimes you have to release, let go and move on. And unless you have been there yourself, you will most likely not understand that. Separation is always painful no matter how it goes down. In a since it is like death, a separation that will never be the same. A feeling of loss, abandonment, guilt, failure and it will have a permanent impact on your life for better or for worse. And so will abuse, trauma, and toxic relationships. We can choose to settle for something that is less then what we want or we can decide to not settle and hold fast to our dreams and desires. Settling is no longer and option for me as I stand for my truth.  Susan found herself in a relationship and marriage that lasted for 33 years. She knew after the first two years that it was not what she wanted. She stayed in that relationship raising three boys and helping her husband run a business. The relationship was not growing, it became stagnant, abusive, controlling and basically was a marriage of existing but not in harmony. He was a narcissist and he did not want to hear what Susan had to say on any topic. He would rant and rave, beating the walls with his fists and keeping Susan in a place of fear. She did not have freedom to be herself or speak her truth. She was always to blame, everything was her fault. It was his way or the highway. He controlled the money and gave her enough to buy food and necessities but never would he let her buy things for herself, she had to sneak to get things she wanted. He would put her down constantly ripping at her self-worth. He called her repulsive, a bitch and always made her feel unworthy. Their relationship came to a stand still for years and was just maintaining. He did not want any kind of change, he liked right where he was at, in control. He commented and said they were like vinegar and water. He did not want to take care of her, it was all his money, he earned it all. She found herself moving out of the bedroom into her own room. The intimacy ended, connection stopped and she tried to maintain and keep to herself. This was a relationship that was not growing. Susan spent much time working on herself and improving herself. She learned how to continue to love him unconditionally in spite of how he treated her. Susan decided that she would stay in this relationship until she learned her lessons so that she would not repeat this type of relationship over again. Susan grew out of this relationship, he was content to stay just where he was at. No matter what type of relationship you find yourself in, there will be lessons to learn from each other. Sometimes people come into our experience for a life time, other times for a season. But there are always positive aspects that we learn from each other. We get more clarity on what we want and don't want which helps move us forward in life. I do not want to leave you with a negative out look on life because for many of us that have struggled in our relationships, we need healing and help to overcome and move forward in our lives. If we do not learn and grow from this, we will continue to repeat the same type of relationships over and over again until we learn our life lessons. The important thing to know is there is Hope. There is help and support if you want it. You do not have to suffer all your life living in a relationship that you feel stuck in. Your well being and life deserves the best and we all deserve love the way we want it. Just because you may not have experienced genuine love does not mean it doesn't exist, so don't give up on love. For in its truth and beauty it is the only thing that will be solid and sustain your life. You may feel alone and isolated in your situation and afraid to reach out for help. Let me just say we all share similar experiences more then you know. We deal with the same problems life throws at us. We just do it a little differently sometimes. Fear is the biggest thing that keeps us paralyzed from doing anything. If you will just take a step forward, you will be amazed at how easy it really can be. That is the beginning of change. We make it out to be so hard on ourselves and by doing nothing we will suffer. We are all smarter then we give ourselves credit for. You can make a decision in your life to bring on the change you desire if you will just give yourself a chance. Life is to short not to..... ask yourself these questions: a) What type of relationship am I in? b) Do I feel happy and free to be me? c) Am I allowed to be myself always? d) Do I communicate and have the intimacy I desire? e) Am I allowed to speak my truth? f) Am I co-dependant? g) Am I manipulated and controlled? h) Do I have access to money? i) Am I respected and trusted? j) Do I have the freedom to come and go? k) Am I a part of the decision making that goes on in the home? l) Am I in the relationship of my dreams? Susan and I would like to hear any feedback or comments that you may have from your relationship experiences in life. Feel free to comment and share your life experience and what it has taught you. In our next blogs we will explore in our relationships what: Growing Apart Looks Like Growing Together Looks Like Stay tuned With Love and Gratitude, Phil and Susan Relationship Love Mentors www.philandsusan.com  He says...
Many times we get ourselves into relationships that are not what we expected or going the way we want them to go. Expectations, manipulation and control can reek havoc and prevent us from being our true selves. I have learned that communication, being transparent, open and allowing helps build trust and respect. I can share my fears, thoughts, desires and know that I am safe in doing so. When both people allow each other to speak their truth then there is freedom and love flowing. You can be yourself and by doing so you enhance the relationship. If you are not in a place where you feel safe and free to speak your truth and be you, then the relationship will not be healthy and will break down. Your happiness and joy is more important then staying stuck in toxic relationships. There are many reasons that people do, but there are choices that can be made to improve your life no matter where your at. Blessings to all.... She says... In my personal experience I had a hard time staying true to myself in my relationships and friendships. But for me the longest and hardest was when I was growing up living with my mom and when I was married for 33 years. When I was rejected, blamed, and mental games were taking place, I withdrew and hid my true self wanting to feel safe. They shut me down so fast, wanting me to conform to how they believed I should be or what I should do. I walked away with my song in me and kept it deep within. Once in awhile I would say something of my truth and it did not come out strong with confidence or courage. More like a soft voice of uncertainty. I had strong feelings to open up and be my true self. It took many years through my personal transformation and awakening to allow my beautiful soul to unfold and open up to be myself; learning and growing along the way with each person that I came into contact with. To me, being true to myself means to speak my truth without losing love, to be very vulnerable and let go of the outcome and know I am still loved. So now by being my authentic self around others, it allows them to do the same. I feel one with my true self. I feel and see her everyday with the things I say and do. I appreciate her and love her and encourage her to keep going, never to lose herself again for someone else. I am in a beautiful and loving relationship where I am fully vulnerable and just being my true self. When you have open conversations on subjects that might rock the boat, the test is to walk through the fear. It has taken me little by little to open up and be myself with my partner. I feel so safe and loved, and secure. It really doesn't matter whether I am loved or not because I love myself in so many ways. There is so much freedom and joy living from your true self. We both say... Once you begin to open up and you become aware of your true self, it takes love, patience, strength, courage, confidence and gentleness with yourself. Our personal alignment is very important. That is the only thing that matters. Everything else will align with you when you live being your authentic self. So ask yourself, "What fear do I have being my true self in my relationship?" What is the fear about? Let it come up and acknowledge it when fear of not feeling loved or accepted or whatever comes to you. Feel it, don't sweep the feeling away. Here are some tips and tools for you to help you start your journey of becoming your true self.
To know yourself intimately with awareness and love, you will live from your true self! |