1) A Relationship that's not growing at all
2) A Relationship that's growing apart
3) A Relationship that's growing together
In our last posts we talked about relationships that are not growing at all, relationships that are growing apart and now we will discuss "Relationships that are growing together" and what that could look like. I am including excerpts from one of Deepak Chopra's meditations on relationships that I feel is helpful in growing our relationships to a higher level.
Written by Deepak Chopra
A key word in any successful relationship, personal or professional is collaboration. It involves three things. Cooperation, sharing and communication. When you approach your relationships with these in mind, you can creatively relate. Then both partners are able to get unstuck. Think for a moment about any relationship in your life. In the family, at work, or with friends. Do you cooperate in this relationship equally? Do you share the good and not so good aspects of the relationship? Are you always communicating in order to get passed confusion, resentment and misunderstanding?
Most relationships aren't black and white. You may feel good about being equal for example, but need to work on communication to get passed potential conflicts. It takes two to begin any relationship and it takes two to get unstuck. But when you begin with yourself, not pressuring or pushing the other person in any way, you can do a great deal on your own to get both of you unstuck.
This is because the other persons behavior and attitude is a reflection of your consciousness. If you feel frustrated, the other person will always give you a reason to feel even more frustrated. But if you feel optimistic and open, the other persons behaviors will mirror that. Sometimes mirroring is an unconscious response because the other person is reacting to you without really knowing what they are doing. Other times the mirroring is actually your interpretation of something fairly neutral in the other person. Either way when you make an inner shift the relationship will be affected.
If you meditate or practice meditation, you will shift in powerful ways because consciousness is expanding. As this occurs, some beneficial things begin to happen as you become more relaxed, open, centered and less stressed. You find it easy to be receptive to someone else's ideas because you want them to be receptive to yours. This is like a creative spark between the two of you. Each person becomes excited by how ideas are passing between them. It also becomes easier to think in terms of us rather than me.
We retreat into our egos when we feel constricted inside. As awareness expands, this kind of defensiveness is no longer necessary. As we meditate, intuition becomes accessible. Now you find yourself asking other people for something they really want to give, namely their desire to help, to shine, to be creative and to be themselves.
Look for these positive shifts in your relationships as you continue your meditation practice. In any situation there are ways for both partners to gain. That's the essence of a collaboration. Mutual satisfaction that two people can joyfully share.
A centering thought is: When I relate to anyone, both of us will gain something.
As Susan and I continue to grow our relationship together, we consciously are aware of our thoughts and words that we use with each other. We realize the importance of our own individuality and freedom to be ourselves without pushing or controlling.
As mentioned above, mirroring is a natural response to what is being presented to us. So how you present yourself and your message verbally, with body language, gestures and so on will play a big part in how you are received and responded to. How do you want to treat others, how do you want to be treated? This is all very important to achieve positive, healthy communication when you are collaborating and growing together.
We enjoy being playful and having fun together. As I am writing this Susan laughingly said she wants to give me a lap dance, so I am going to take a short break and will be back.........nothing like a little teasing and fun. Okay where was I?
In our growing up years from infancy to adults, we were conditioned, trained, taught through our religious belief systems, to our cultural surroundings and people that had an influence in our lives from parents to teachers and family members. We were placed in our boxes with parameters of what is acceptable and not. What is normal and not when it came to dating and relationships. There was a lot of guilt, shame, judgment placed on us as well as what we placed on ourselves. It was all there in the form of controlling us, teaching us and grooming us to act and behave a certain way that was acceptable in society and our cultural experience.
I would say a lot of it stifled our creativity and individuality to the point of we lost track of who we are. If we allow ourselves to become aware and examine ourselves, we can release those things that are no longer or may never have worked for us. We can free ourselves of the fear based control and manipulation that keeps us stuck on so many levels. It can be difficult to step outside of your comfort zone or come out of the closet but also very liberating and freeing.
Susan and I have been working on our own boxes and stepping outside of them trying new things that we enjoy. That is part of having fun and growing together.
It is important to allow each other to have this space to learn and grow. To be there for each other during these times to encourage, support and uplift each other. We are not only growing in our relationship together but we are also learning more about ourselves and who we are. It's like self discovery and an adventure for sure. You do not know where it is going to always take you. Being open, vulnerable, trusting and allowing with each other builds a deeper bond and trust between you. It is freeing to know that you can share anything and everything if you choose to with each other and not be judged or condemned for it.
As Deepak mentioned relationships are not black and white. There is not always a set answer that fits everyone's situation, but there are fundamental, universal principals that we can all pull from to help us through our life's adventures in our relationships. Just remember that we are all teachers and we can teach and learn something in all our relationships that will move us forward in our life experiences. You can always improve your current relationships or create new ones. Don't settle for something that you are not happy with. Figure out how you can improve yourself and in so doing those you care about.
Feel free to share, like, comment or give feedback in a positive way that can be beneficial to all.
With Love and Gratitude,
Phil and Susan
Relationship Love Mentors